Imperialist Crusader's realm of Totalitarianism
Saturday, May 31, 2003
been busy the last few days. try to post more later. ive become obsessed with class b rv's. its my goal to buy an old one, renovate it, and sleep on the beach for a week in it. I get these stupid little obsessions all the time... sometimes its with reading, sometimes its with riding a bike or hiking or cooking or whatever... i think this is a larger goal but one i really want to follow through with. If any of you know someone who's selling an old class b transvan or something equivilant (not bigger than 22 or 23 feet) on the cheep that could use renovation, drop me a line: firstname.lastname@example.org
Thursday, May 29, 2003
Give me a fuckin break:
Clinton Says Terms Limits Should Be Changed
BOSTON - Former President Bill Clinton says in the future, a former two-term president should be able to return to office later in life - but the Constitution would have to be amended.
"It wouldn't affect me, but for future generations the 22nd amendment should be modified," Clinton said Wednesday during an appearance at the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum.
"There may come a time when we have elected a president at age 45 or 50 and then 20 years later the country comes up with the same sort of problems the president faced before, and the people would like to bring that man or woman back," he said. He added that he didn't feel strongly about the issue, though.
At present, the constitutional amendment, enacted after Franklin Roosevelt was elected to four terms, limits presidential service to two terms in a person's lifetime. But many state or local term limit measures instead limit the number of consecutive terms a person may serve.
Clinton spoke during an informal discussion with historian Michael Beschloss. Beschloss asked him if historians should concern themselves with the private lives of presidents. Said Clinton: "I think you do have to deal with it to some extent if you're an historian."
But he said there was "a whole lot of difference between writing a retrospective biography of somebody when all of the records are in ... and just, you know, essentially feasting on them under the guise of trying to enlighten the public. ... It's a grab for power, ratings, or position."
Clinton has said a 1963 visit to the White House as part of a youth group, where he shook President Kennedy's hand, had a "very profound impact" on him. The Kennedy Library's film of that event was shown before Clinton spoke.
The former president also had plenty of barbs for Republicans. Clinton cited a comment he attributed to former President Lyndon B. Johnson: "Republicans were primarily interested in cutting taxes for their friends and investigating Democrats."
Clinton, you power hungry nut, you're lucky you didnt get executed for treason, please shut your trap already, and go play golf and drink martini's with the rest of your corrupt cabbal of cronies.
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
The simpsons is a lot smarter than most people give it credit for. Today I present the final segment of Treehouse of horror 7, a great take on politics that i think will prove timeless.
Late at night, Homer is relaxing on a boat.
Homer: Ah... The old fishin' hole. So peaceful and relaxing, doesn't
even matter if I catch a single fish. [yawns]
[pauses, then abruptly springs forward]
Come on, you stupid fish! Take the bait! Don't make me come down
His attention is quickly grabbed by nothing else than a flying saucer
over him. The saucer drops a crane and brings him on board -- after
dropping him in the lake once.
His abductors are none else than... Kang and Kodos!
Oh, my God. Space aliens. Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat
Kang: Silence! We are travellers from a certain nearby ringed planet
whose name we'd prefer not to mention.
My name is Kang, and this is my sister Kodos.
Kodos: [masculine voice] Hello.
Homer: [gulps] I suppose you want to probe me. Well, might as well get
it over with. [unzips his pants]
Kang: [disgusted] Stop! We have reached the limits of what rectal
probing can teach us.
Kodos explains that they're on a mission of conquest, and need to
locate Earth's leader.
Homer: I guess you mean President Clinton. He usually hangs around
Kang: President Clin-Ton? Excellent.
Homer: Except, um... there's this election next week, so after that, it
might not be him anymore. It might be what's-his-name, uh...
Mumbly Joe, uh... I saw him on TV the other... uh... Bob Dole!
This election complicates matters a bit, so Kang and Kodos decide to
abduct both candidates.
Their first target is Bob Dole, who's walking out of the Republican
Ugh, Bob Dole doesn't need this.
Next is Bill Clinton, who they pull through the roof of the White
House, still in bed.
Wha-wha-wha what's happening? Is it noon already?
Dole and Clinton are stripped bare naked (urgh!) and pushed into some
kind of tube.
What the hell is this, some kind of tube?
Dole's tube quickly fills up with some sort of fluid which stops his
movements, yet keeps him alive. Clinton thanks Kang and Kodos for
taking care of Dole for him, but he soon goes through the same
The aliens link themselves to the tubes, and initiate a
bio-duplication. In other words, Kang and Kodos take the shape of Dole
and Clinton, respectively.
Oh, no! Aliens, bio-duplication, nude conspiracies... Oh my God! Lyndon
LaRouche was right!
Kodos: What? Are you still here? I'm afraid we'll have to dispose of
you... [pushes a button]
[out of somewhere comes a cannon, which reveals a smaller
cannon, which reveals an even smaller one, from which emerges a
tube, spraying Homer]
Homer: What are you spraying me with?
Kang: Rum. So no one will believe your story.
[Kodos kicks Homer off the saucer]
Kodos: And don't come back.
The next morning, Marge and the kids watch a portable TV in the
Kent: Kent Brockman here, with Campaign '96: America Flips A Coin. At
an appearance this morning, Bill Clinton made some rather cryptic
remarks, which aides attributed to an overly tight necktie.
Kodos: I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me
and obey my brutal commands. [crosses arms] End communication.
Marge: Hmm, that's Slick Willie for you, always with the smooth talk.
Homer runs in.
Marge! Marge! There I was, I had just caught the largest fish you'd ever
seen, when I was abducted by a flying saucer!
"Sure you were, rummy" replies Bart. Homer gasps when he sees Dole on
Kent: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President
Kang: It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way,
your planet is doomed. DOOMED!
Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from senator Bob Dole.
These candidates make me wanna vomit in terror!
Bob Dole gives an electoral speech:
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, 73-year-old candidate, Bob Dole.
Kang: Abortions for all.
Very well, no abortions for anyone.
Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for
[crowd cheers and waves miniature flags]
Later, Kang and Kodos are walking down the streets, holding hands.
Kang: Fooling these Earth voters is easier than expected.
Kodos: Yes. All they want to hear are bland pleasantries embellished by
an occasional saxophone solo or infant kiss.
A Democratic National Committee van pulls up, and George
Stephanopoulos pokes his head out.
George: Uh, Mr. President, Sir. People are becoming a bit... confused by
the way your and your opponent are, well, constantly holding
Kang: We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think
of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.
One night, Springfield holds a Dole-Clinton debate. Clinton is giving
the opening speech:
My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
The crowd is cheering heartily, and Dole is about to take the stand,
when Homer comes bursting in.
Homer: Stop! Those candidates are phonies!
You heard me! They're alien replicons from beyond the moon!
[crowd laughs at him]
Homer tries to prevent secret agents from throwing him out by using a
flag as defence, but to no avail. "Don't forget your stinking flag"
says one, before throwing it at him.
Dejected, Homer takes a walk by the shore of a lake.
Why won't anyone believe my crazy story?
In frustration, he kicks a bush, only to hit metal. Removing the bush,
he discovers the aliens' spaceship -- clearly visible anyway. Inside,
he removes the liquid from the tubes, re-animating the real
Clinton: Oh, no, am I still here? I don't wanna serve out my term naked
in a tube...
Dole: I am so mad at the Secret Service right now.
Homer takes the ship in space, flying towards Washington.
Clinton: You know, Senator, being in suspended animation gave me time to
think. Partisan politics are tearing our country apart.
Dole: You got a point there, Bill. If you and I are gonna whup these
one-eyed space fellas, we're gonna have to set aside our
Clinton: Together, we can lead America into a new Golden Age.
Dole: Friend, you got a deal.
Dole asks Homer to get them out of those tubes, but Homer somehow
manages to press the wrong button, and sends them both flying into
Oh, no. What have I done? What am I doing? What will I do?
In panic, Homer smashes the control panel, and sends the saucer
crashing towards Washington.
Meanwhile, outside the Capitol, the candidates are giving their last
Kang: The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work
again. Tomorrow, when you are sealed in the voting cubicle, vote
for me, Senator Ka... Bob Dole.
Kodos: I am looking forward to an orderly election tomorrow, which will
eliminate the need for a violent blood bath.
From the sky comes a scream, as Homer is crashing right into the
Capitol. A few footsteps later, he comes running down the stairs.
Homer: America, take a good look at your beloved candidates. They're
nothing but hideous space reptiles. [unmasks them]
[audience gasps in terror]
Kodos: It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about
it? It's a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us.
Man1: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.
[Kang and Kodos laugh out loud]
[Ross Perot smashes his "Perot 96" hat]
The next day, Kodos announces the result: "All hail, President Kang."
The field in front of the Capitol has now become a working ground
where humans are whipped by aliens and used to carry materials.
The Simpsons family is working too, with Homer and the kids carrying
wood, and Marge pushing a wheelbarrow of cinderblocks -- with Maggie
Marge: I don't understand why we have to build a ray gun to aim at a
planet I never even heard of.
Homer: Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.
"Rep." Sam Farr, D-Calif. Flies UN flag outside his DC office.
Remember, this is the same UN that looted itself when the workers went on strike, turned a blind eye to Saddam's pilfering of funds that were to go to starving and sick Iraqi children, and has done next to nothing about the canibalisim, christian persicution, and continuing slavery going on in Africa.
Sam Farr, you're a pig.
| "We are not the masks we wear. But if we don them, do we not become them?" Keops D'ao Tsumai, "Fortunes" CY 9683 301 AFC Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.